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Week 2, Post Mission
[So. After everything, they somehow wind up at the theatre - in a room showing that doesn't have anything on, so it's just soundless adverts with chill musiak coming through the speakers. Ichigo goes right along with the chillness that surrounds them, because he is currently high as fuck, and he manages to pull up some of the cup holders so he can lay down on a few chairs, brushing a hand against the carpeted floor while shoving popcorn in his mouth.]
Mrgh - Akiraaaaaa, do you like....ever think about how much stuff this carpet's seen....? It's like...amazing. Movies are amazing because people make, like...all these different kinds and add music and do so many things....and make people feel things....humans are amazing. Aren't they amazing, Akiraaaa?
[Thank you for babysitting this idiot, Akira.]
Mrgh - Akiraaaaaa, do you like....ever think about how much stuff this carpet's seen....? It's like...amazing. Movies are amazing because people make, like...all these different kinds and add music and do so many things....and make people feel things....humans are amazing. Aren't they amazing, Akiraaaa?
[Thank you for babysitting this idiot, Akira.]
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Almost instantly, Ichigo scoots to where he can rest his bright head on Akira's lap, taking the popcorn bucket with him. You're a pillow now, partner.]
It's - just amazing. Some movies are bad but funny - like that one we saw before, remember? But some are....they make you cry. Or they can. And that's great.
[He squints at Akira again, raising a (thankfully) non buttery hand to touch his cheek.]
You've - got nice eyes. Did you know that? They're nice. Where'd you get your eyes, Akiraaaaa? They're like - like - stones. Or the sky when it's really, really miserable and cloudy 'n shit. Storm - Storm eyes - hehehe, you've got storm eyes -
[And now he's giggling to himself, for reasons only known to his stoned mind.]
Pffft, I - I should write that doooown-
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[what]
[Akira isn't really easily flustered. he's confident, calm, and composed in all of the right ways. he's a flirt sometimes, but only with people he thinks will take it well, and he doesn't usually mean it seriously. that head on his lap? that's fine; Ichigo was lying on the street like this earlier]
[but that hand on his cheek? as soon as those fingers brush against skin, Akira finds himself jerking back in surprise, a pop of electricity sparking in the air between them. but Ichigo continues on anyway, babbling words. . . many words, that when strung together make sense but in a kind of nonsensical way? eyes. he's complimenting Akira's eyes, the depths of their gray and the way they swirl like a violent storm when he's angry]
[he can't help it. a small dusting of pink spreads across his cheeks, and he drops one hand against Ichigo's face, fingers splayed]
[damn it]
Are you a poet now? [PLEASE] I'd give you a pen and some paper if I had one.
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[In other cases, he'd have noticed the blush and backed off a bit, or left Akira alone with just a light tease. But today, he doesn't have a filter - so he rises up and places his hands on the sides of Akiras face, practically mashing their foreheads together as he continues grinning like a loon.]
Akiraaaaa, can you not take a compliment? Maybe - Maybe I should give you more. I can give you more, like, like....that you're a really good person, an' I'm so lucky that you're my partner, an', an', that I don't trust nobody here as much as I trust you. What else, what else...Oh, oh! I know! You're really, really....trustworthy an' you do your best!
[He lets go of Akira's face with a laugh, flopping back down on his lap and shifting so he can look up at Akira with little effort, laughing a little but his smile slowly fading into something more sad as he talks.]
An', an'....It makes me kind of sad, you know? That you're so good, an' you still died. An' that you have to go through this, an'....
...That I'm your partner. 'Cause....I'm not a good person. An' you deserve better.
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[in the near three weeks Akira has known him, Ichigo has never seemed like the overly affectionate or bold type. reserved, quiet, a little sad. . . but with a spark of his own rebellion, a quiet flame that had died and was slowly coming back to life burning in his eyes. so this?]
[this is]
[un. . . expected]
[Akira lets out a surprised yelp when Ichigo grabs his face, pulls him down so their foreheads bump together, so close their noses are brushing. that pink turns into a full on scarlet, but before he can pull away himself, Ichigo flops back onto his lap and continues his extremely high babbling]
[Akira has never been high before. he's never been around anyone who has been high. if this is what it's like? he wants no part of it]
[. . .]
[even if it's ever so slightly. . . . . . . . . endearing?]
Would you quit that?
[he says with another huff, lifting one hand to rub at his nose, hoping the movement at least hides some of the red on his cheeks. but what Ichigo says next-- something so starkly serious as compared to their joking around earlier-- helps dissipate that blush, anyway]
. . . and quit saying that, too. [firm!] That I'm a good person and I deserve better.
I'm perfectly happy with what I got. If any of us deserve better-- [not necessarily better than Akira, just like. better, in general] -- it's you.
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Me? I deserve better? How?
[For a moment, he almost sounds sober - before he slips back into the haze, flipping over so he's not directly staring at Akira anymore (also so he can eat some more popcorn), eyes half-shutting.]
I got...I got what I got. It's nothing better or worse, an'....I have so many secrets, Akira. Too many. I wanna talk to you about them, but I can't. I can't. It'd - It'd be against a lot of things.
[He waves his hands around in the air, aimlessly - but he still looks ever so serious as he does it, tracing meaningless patterns after a moment and becoming distracted by it.]
...You - You died. An' I wanna - I wanna make sure your get your second chance. The one I can't get anymore. Okay? That's - All I want. 'Cause maybe then I can actually...do something for someone else - that doesn't get them dead forever. Maybe, Maybe I can actually protect someone for once.
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[. . . for the first time, Ichigo says something that carves a pensive frown in Akira's features, brow wrinkled. secrets. . . well, that shouldn't be a surprise in and of itself. everyone had secrets, and they've only known each other for nearly two weeks. but something about that seems. . .]
[. . .]
[no. he shouldn't press. not while Ichigo is like this. Akira's philosophy of letting people come to him always wins out in the end. and so, he moves on, fingertips idly brushing against Ichigo's forehead near his hairline]
[it's weird, how quickly they've fallen into this level of physical affection. weird, but not bad. because Ichigo was clearly in need of it since day one]
And I'm going to make sure you get yours, you realize.
[Ichigo may think he no longer has one, but Akira. . . Akira doesn't]
Or at least the actual choice to take it, even if you don't in the end. You told me to survive.
But I'm giving you the exact same order.
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[He's talking about the fingertips near his hairline - which is pretty high up, surprisingly - but he listens to the rest of what Akira has to say in silence, clearly trying to work everything out even with his mind foggy and high.
There are so many things he wants to say, words that press at the tip of his tongue, but even when like this...he realizes it's better to swallow them down and keep them inside.
So he just leans back a little, touching Akira's face again in return, expression solemn.]
Mmm. Okay. You're - I'll live. I'll survive. 'Cause you told me to.
[His eyes softly shine, brimming with unshed tears.]
I...don't want you to die. I don't want to be alone again, an' have to see someone I care about dead in front of me. I don't. You an' Lenka an' Undine an' Mary an' Alex....you've all gotta make it, you've gotta -
[He makes a small noise, burying his face into Akira's legs and dropping his hand.]
Don't die....I can't take anyone dying in front of me again, Akiraaaaaaa...I can't....I can't...I ca-aa-aan't-
[And with that, he starts crying - incoherently still babbling out words inbetween sobs, sounding all the world like the hurting child he is in this moment.]
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[he doesn't jerk back at the hand against his cheek this time around. and although he isn't expecting the tears, by the time they start trickling down Ichigo's cheeks, he's ready for them, thumb brushing against damp skin to wipe them away]
[he swallows thickly, his throat suddenly tight. those feelings. . .? he understands them all too well. his friends may not have died in front of him like Ichigo's did, but. . . the knowledge that his own demise meant they were likely being killed by Akechi and his people back home is enough to seize his heart in his chest]
I won't die.
[he says again, trying to keep his tone soft and soothing, but there's a small hitch in his words as he tries to hold his own feelings back]
I've got you, until the very end. I promise.
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Stop. Stop being....so strong, okay? We're - We're partners, an'...an' it's just you an' me here.
You're allowed to cry too, Akira.
[He lets out a sob, but he doesn't let Akira go.]
You're - You can cry, I promise...
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[Ichigo always wore the faint scent of. . . well, Ichigo, but pressed close to him like this, it becomes almost overpowering. something that seeps through Akira inside and out, settles somewhere comfortably in his heart, warm and a little alluring. there's the natural instinct to pull away, of course]
[but there's also the natural instinct to lean in and embrace this for whatever it was. unwavering support, offered to him for a change, during a time when he's been trying so so hard to be strong for everyone else]
[his hand curls into Ichigo's shirt tightly]
[he doesn't deserve this]
No, I'm-- [his breath hitches again. fuck] -- I'm fine. Just. . . let it out, Ichigo. I'm fine.
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[Though he doesn't let Akira go, he does lift one of his hands, gently cradling under Akira's chin so he can look into those gray eyes with his own, full of tears but also a deep understanding that even cuts through the high.
He knows what Akira's trying to do - because he's done it himself, many, many times.]
You - You're trying to be strong for me, for everyone, right? You can't, you can't do it...not alone. You've gotta - you gotta just cry sometimes, or...or it gets all bottled inside, and it hurts...
[The hand at Akira's back tightens a little, and a tear falls on the top of Akira's fluffy head.]
So don'. Don' hurt like that, okay? It - it hurts to see, an', an'....we're partners, aren' we? Partners....Partners rely on each other. So...
Lemme support you, okay?
Please. You don'...you don' have to be strong alone.
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Ichigo, damn it--
[he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve this, he who failed his friends, he who is completely and utterly powerless in this game]
[he doesn't deserve this, but he wants it, he needs it, he needs it, because two and a half weeks is far too long for even someone like him to keep all of his pieces together in the wake of so many murders. and Ichigo-- god bless him, and his extremely high self-- is the first person to encourage Akira to break]
[even just a little bit]
[he fists his hands into Ichigo's shirt, leans forward to press his face tightly against his shoulder, and just breathes]
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[He repeats the words Akira told him, gently running his hand through Akira's hair in a comforting manner, giving little 'shh' noises under his breath. If he could, he'd rock back and forth with Akira to try and comfort him even more.
The tears have dried up on his end - seeing Akira beginning to let go soothed him just a little, seeing that trust in him - and he even hums a little, a random little tune that's somehow soothing despite it being hummed by someone who is way too high to properly string notes together.]
'S okay. 'S okay to cry on your partner, 'cause....'cause that's what they're for. Right? Even if you feel bad enough to, to...want to hide everything, your partner is....someone you can rely on. Who'll s'pport you. So it's okay to lean on me, because I lean on you an', an', we'll s'pport each other. Okay?
So let it out.
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[each of those words feel like needles bearing under his skin, digging deeper and deeper until the pain is sharp and unbearable. he can't. Ichigo is encouraging him, but he can't. he has to stay strong, he has to keep himself put together, he doesn't deserve this level of unconditional support--]
[he can't he can't he can't he can't]
[but he does anyway, a soft hiccup against Ichigo's shoulder, and his grip is so tight that he's shaking. he's not a loud crier by any means, so it may be pretty easy to miss the moment he lets himself break]
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Yeah. Get it out, 's okay...
[He closes his eyes, even pressing a slightly shaky kiss to the top of Akira's head before going back to the strung out, discordant humming.
If he were sober, he'd be happy that Akira trusted him enough to cry like this, to let himself not be so strong for once - but he won't even remember this in the morning, so.]
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No, no, I'm--
[fine. he's not fine. he's not fine, but he can't do this, because he's taking advantage of Ichigo's kindness when Ichigo is the one who needs support the most right now. right? right]
[it's only been. . . two and a half weeks, and yet here he is, cracking all over the shoulder of his partner when he doesn't deserve an ounce of this affection. get it together, Kurusu, he tries to tell himself. but it doesn't work]
[the only sign that he is letting go is the sound of his ragged breathing, sharp inhales and exhales all taken in an extremely uneven pace]