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Week 2, Post Mission
[So. After everything, they somehow wind up at the theatre - in a room showing that doesn't have anything on, so it's just soundless adverts with chill musiak coming through the speakers. Ichigo goes right along with the chillness that surrounds them, because he is currently high as fuck, and he manages to pull up some of the cup holders so he can lay down on a few chairs, brushing a hand against the carpeted floor while shoving popcorn in his mouth.]
Mrgh - Akiraaaaaa, do you like....ever think about how much stuff this carpet's seen....? It's like...amazing. Movies are amazing because people make, like...all these different kinds and add music and do so many things....and make people feel things....humans are amazing. Aren't they amazing, Akiraaaa?
[Thank you for babysitting this idiot, Akira.]
Mrgh - Akiraaaaaa, do you like....ever think about how much stuff this carpet's seen....? It's like...amazing. Movies are amazing because people make, like...all these different kinds and add music and do so many things....and make people feel things....humans are amazing. Aren't they amazing, Akiraaaa?
[Thank you for babysitting this idiot, Akira.]
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[He's talking about the fingertips near his hairline - which is pretty high up, surprisingly - but he listens to the rest of what Akira has to say in silence, clearly trying to work everything out even with his mind foggy and high.
There are so many things he wants to say, words that press at the tip of his tongue, but even when like this...he realizes it's better to swallow them down and keep them inside.
So he just leans back a little, touching Akira's face again in return, expression solemn.]
Mmm. Okay. You're - I'll live. I'll survive. 'Cause you told me to.
[His eyes softly shine, brimming with unshed tears.]
I...don't want you to die. I don't want to be alone again, an' have to see someone I care about dead in front of me. I don't. You an' Lenka an' Undine an' Mary an' Alex....you've all gotta make it, you've gotta -
[He makes a small noise, burying his face into Akira's legs and dropping his hand.]
Don't die....I can't take anyone dying in front of me again, Akiraaaaaaa...I can't....I can't...I ca-aa-aan't-
[And with that, he starts crying - incoherently still babbling out words inbetween sobs, sounding all the world like the hurting child he is in this moment.]
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[he doesn't jerk back at the hand against his cheek this time around. and although he isn't expecting the tears, by the time they start trickling down Ichigo's cheeks, he's ready for them, thumb brushing against damp skin to wipe them away]
[he swallows thickly, his throat suddenly tight. those feelings. . .? he understands them all too well. his friends may not have died in front of him like Ichigo's did, but. . . the knowledge that his own demise meant they were likely being killed by Akechi and his people back home is enough to seize his heart in his chest]
I won't die.
[he says again, trying to keep his tone soft and soothing, but there's a small hitch in his words as he tries to hold his own feelings back]
I've got you, until the very end. I promise.
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Stop. Stop being....so strong, okay? We're - We're partners, an'...an' it's just you an' me here.
You're allowed to cry too, Akira.
[He lets out a sob, but he doesn't let Akira go.]
You're - You can cry, I promise...
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[Ichigo always wore the faint scent of. . . well, Ichigo, but pressed close to him like this, it becomes almost overpowering. something that seeps through Akira inside and out, settles somewhere comfortably in his heart, warm and a little alluring. there's the natural instinct to pull away, of course]
[but there's also the natural instinct to lean in and embrace this for whatever it was. unwavering support, offered to him for a change, during a time when he's been trying so so hard to be strong for everyone else]
[his hand curls into Ichigo's shirt tightly]
[he doesn't deserve this]
No, I'm-- [his breath hitches again. fuck] -- I'm fine. Just. . . let it out, Ichigo. I'm fine.
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[Though he doesn't let Akira go, he does lift one of his hands, gently cradling under Akira's chin so he can look into those gray eyes with his own, full of tears but also a deep understanding that even cuts through the high.
He knows what Akira's trying to do - because he's done it himself, many, many times.]
You - You're trying to be strong for me, for everyone, right? You can't, you can't do it...not alone. You've gotta - you gotta just cry sometimes, or...or it gets all bottled inside, and it hurts...
[The hand at Akira's back tightens a little, and a tear falls on the top of Akira's fluffy head.]
So don'. Don' hurt like that, okay? It - it hurts to see, an', an'....we're partners, aren' we? Partners....Partners rely on each other. So...
Lemme support you, okay?
Please. You don'...you don' have to be strong alone.
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Ichigo, damn it--
[he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve this, he who failed his friends, he who is completely and utterly powerless in this game]
[he doesn't deserve this, but he wants it, he needs it, he needs it, because two and a half weeks is far too long for even someone like him to keep all of his pieces together in the wake of so many murders. and Ichigo-- god bless him, and his extremely high self-- is the first person to encourage Akira to break]
[even just a little bit]
[he fists his hands into Ichigo's shirt, leans forward to press his face tightly against his shoulder, and just breathes]
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[He repeats the words Akira told him, gently running his hand through Akira's hair in a comforting manner, giving little 'shh' noises under his breath. If he could, he'd rock back and forth with Akira to try and comfort him even more.
The tears have dried up on his end - seeing Akira beginning to let go soothed him just a little, seeing that trust in him - and he even hums a little, a random little tune that's somehow soothing despite it being hummed by someone who is way too high to properly string notes together.]
'S okay. 'S okay to cry on your partner, 'cause....'cause that's what they're for. Right? Even if you feel bad enough to, to...want to hide everything, your partner is....someone you can rely on. Who'll s'pport you. So it's okay to lean on me, because I lean on you an', an', we'll s'pport each other. Okay?
So let it out.
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[each of those words feel like needles bearing under his skin, digging deeper and deeper until the pain is sharp and unbearable. he can't. Ichigo is encouraging him, but he can't. he has to stay strong, he has to keep himself put together, he doesn't deserve this level of unconditional support--]
[he can't he can't he can't he can't]
[but he does anyway, a soft hiccup against Ichigo's shoulder, and his grip is so tight that he's shaking. he's not a loud crier by any means, so it may be pretty easy to miss the moment he lets himself break]
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Yeah. Get it out, 's okay...
[He closes his eyes, even pressing a slightly shaky kiss to the top of Akira's head before going back to the strung out, discordant humming.
If he were sober, he'd be happy that Akira trusted him enough to cry like this, to let himself not be so strong for once - but he won't even remember this in the morning, so.]
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No, no, I'm--
[fine. he's not fine. he's not fine, but he can't do this, because he's taking advantage of Ichigo's kindness when Ichigo is the one who needs support the most right now. right? right]
[it's only been. . . two and a half weeks, and yet here he is, cracking all over the shoulder of his partner when he doesn't deserve an ounce of this affection. get it together, Kurusu, he tries to tell himself. but it doesn't work]
[the only sign that he is letting go is the sound of his ragged breathing, sharp inhales and exhales all taken in an extremely uneven pace]