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Week 3 - Sunday
[It's been a long, long weekend. It's one that Izaya has probably watched like the creeper he is, noting that on friday, Ichigo went into the bar and practically never came out - that he's been drinking not for enjoyment, but to knock himself out the quickest - and he's been pointedly ignoring his partner, who he was practically glued to the hip at in the weeks before.
But it takes until Sunday, when Ichigo sobers up enough to finally make his way over to Izaya, looking miserable as he draws the other man into somewhere safe and secure so they can talk.]
Izaya....
[Ichigo presses a hand against his face, swallowing hard.]
I...I think Akira's a Reaper.
But it takes until Sunday, when Ichigo sobers up enough to finally make his way over to Izaya, looking miserable as he draws the other man into somewhere safe and secure so they can talk.]
Izaya....
[Ichigo presses a hand against his face, swallowing hard.]
I...I think Akira's a Reaper.
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Akira....knew about us. That we're eliminating other Reapers. He asked - He asked if I was one of them.
[He breathes in, his hands faintly trembling.]
The Players don't know about us. They think there's 7 reapers, and - the only ones that would know....are the Reapers.
I think - I managed to lie, but I...I can't -
[He shuts himself off with a wince, breathing hard. When he speaks again, it's quiet.
Heartbroken.]
I...I wanted him to be a Player, I - I wanted to believe in someone for once. After so long -
[a choked sob rises in his throat, and he quickly presses a hand against his eyes, gritting his teeth.]
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Further, to a degree, he can enjoy this moment. He loves humans. He loves humans no matter what state they're in. Whether they're happy or sad, healthy or injured. Whether their hearts are full of love, or broken by it. So he is grateful that he could witness Ichigo like this.
He could allow this to go on. He could let Ichigo crash and burn. He'll take Akira out with him, very likely. It could be an effective strategy. Moreover, he doesn't need Ichigo to win this game. If he can be used to kill Akira at least, then he still has other people to use for getting rid of their final Reaper.
Moreover, while Izaya has understanding of this moment, he does not allow it to touch his heart. He accepts it, and listens to it fully. But to empathize with it would be to allow himself to feel the place where he was broken. That isn't something he wants to do, either.
Yet, Ichigo is someone who has been moving towards self-destruction for a very long time. While Izaya will not allow himself to be harmed by the possibility of it occurring, even so: he'd prefer to see a story where it went in the other direction.
Gently, in that voice that accepts Ichigo for all he is, and will listen to his every word, Izaya asks]
What is it within him that you needed to believe in?
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[He pauses, seemingly lost deep in thought as Izaya asks that question. That voice - his voice really is nice, despite everything - and he wants so badly to latch onto that acceptance now that the one person he allowed himself to trust so deeply has has revealed himself as their enemy. It's not like he could allow himself to betray them - not when he knows what's at stake.
He swallows, hard, eyes darting down and back before looking at Izaya.]
I wanted....to protect someone, after all this time...After Game after Game of having to kill Players in increasingly cruel ways. I...I wanted him to get his second chance, to go back to the people he cared about -
[He makes that sob again, and this time? There are clear tears going down his face, unable to hold them back anymore past the clenching pain in the back of his throat.]
All I'm good for is - killing. And acting like I'm the same person I was, before I died - It made me want to go back to what I used to do. How I used to save people.
...I'm so tired, Izaya.
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He has chosen to live his life in a way to stop himself from suffering like that.
Still gently, with accepting concern, he continues. What he offers is merely this: to listen to what Ichigo will say, and to accept him for it.]
You never explained how or why you became a Reaper. I've been struck by its incongruity with your desire to save others.
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I...It's a long story, but...if you're willing to hear it, then...
[...Maybe - Maybe it's alright to talk about it now.]
You saw my cause of death, right? That was - something I was manipulated into, as a ritual to keep the worlds of the living and the dead in balance.
[He sets down the cup of water, threading his fingers together and looking down as he talks, a tear still dripping from his cheek every now and then.]
I didn't realize I'd die for it until it was already underway, and when I finally died...I woke up in a Game. The Composer - he's someone who'd love this kind of Game - judges the souls that go through the Game and see if they're worthy enough to be reincarnated back in the world of the living.
...It's ironic, isn't it? I gave my life and my body to be the thing that holds the worlds in balance, and I had to fight for my right to be reborn. I went through a Game that was - have you ever seen that movie, Battle Royale...? It was kind of like that.
[He pauses for a moment, remembering...and then shakes his head.]
I ended up surviving, but...I couldn't be reborn. My spiritual body had been encased in crystal, and it was only my consciousness that had died during the ritual. I wasn't really dead, but...I wasn't alive, either.
So he made me an offer. He could return my consciousness back to my spiritual body, or I could become a Shinigami - a Reaper - that worked under him.
It wasn't really a choice.
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That's also why you weren't able to choose full Erasure as a way out. Correct? You aren't truly dead.
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I don't really want to find out.
[He shrugs again.]
Anyway, at the end of the game, I only had one way out. And my Composer's enough of a bastard that I decided to keep going instead of dying - because of all the souls that'd suffer at his hands.
[He looks down at his own, pulling them apart and staring at them as if he expects to see blood on them.]
...So....I had to get strong enough to take him down. And do whatever he asked me to, no matter how much I didn't want to.
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But...What else can I do? I can't - I can't abandon them. A game like this - he'll probably run one as soon as I come back, there's absolutely no way he's not furiously taking notes and talking about experimental data or whatever.
[He runs a hand through his hair, sighing.]
...You've - got large wings. I...don't know your game, or your composer...But I'm glad that you haven't had to kill Players as much as I've had to.
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Even so, I wouldn't like working for a Composer like that. [He smiles. There is a bitterness in it.] After all... The only lie in my performance when I killed Dahlia... was simply a dishonesty of 'when' it happened.
Anthy doesn't sound bad compared to what you have.
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He's someone Ichigo can never quite figure out, honestly. Every time he tries, it's like he reaches a wall or a bend in the road, and Izaya's himself runs off, defying understanding.
Yet, at this moment - for some reason, Ichigo feels like he understands, if only a little bit.
He really is someone who loves humanity, isn't he? For better or for worse.]
...She's a little better, yeah. And - it's nice to know that the whole thing with Dahlia wasn't entirely fake.
[There's a long moment of silence, and then -]
...So...what now? If Akira is a Reaper, then...what do we do?